I received an invitation to an ordination this week. Anyone who has been to an ordination service will know how deadly long and boring they can be. Don't misunderstand me, I believe ordination is a highly significant event in a minister's life and look forward to my own. It's just the way they do them.
Part of the point is tell the story of the ordinand's "journey" and calling, so a succession of people will take the stand and say how they were involved. At a minimum, this is usually the ordinand, the minister of his/her "home" church, someone from the college where they trained, and the secretary of the church calling him/her to be their minister. There may be others too. Each wants to make the occasion special and to offer some encouragement, so a simple "he passed his exams" will not do. Add to that a certain degree of rivalry in demonstrating skills in public speaking/oratory/rhetoric and it can all become very lengthy.
As if length was not sufficient torture, many of the speakers feel compelled to include humour, as if they were the father of the bride or the best man at a wedding, or, even worse, to offer advice. The advice is probably the worst bit for both the ordinand and the audience. At least the audience can react honestly, albeit discreetly; the ordinand has to look attentive and grateful for their wise words, even nodding to show that they accept the advice humbly and have every intention of following it diligently. The advice, of course, is usually utter hogwash, hackneyed phrases about "striving", or "trusting", and praying, as if these concepts were (a) completely new to the ordinand, and (b) could be expounded satisfactorily in two or three sentences. On the rare occasions that the advice is worthwhile, one wonders why it has been held back until now, kept secret through three or four years of college.
At the end of all this, the leader asks the ordinand a series of questions which boil down to, "are you a Christian?" and, "are you sure you want to be a minister?". Of course, they don't really need to ask these questions, things would not have got this far if the answer was "no". But it has to be done. But then, the actual act of ordination takes place, and everyone gets excited, because this is what they came for. But their jubilation is quickly quashed as the prayers begin. Believe me, these are lengthy. And there is still a sermon to come...
Is it any wonder that people's minds are so numbed that afterwards, the comment heard most frequently is, "it's a nice buffet"?
